MaxedOutMama

First, see my earlier post.

If anyone still feels skeptical about my belief that there is a fundamental and provable distinction between men and women, my brother has helpfully provided more ammunition. He sent me these links without knowing that I was betraying male secrets in this fashion. I have two brothers, both of whom are highly useful.

These links came from brother # 2, who found them inspirational. If you are a man, you probably will too. If you are a married woman, you should follow these links so that you know that your husband is being acutely and reasonably guyish instead of neurotically insane. (If you have a story to top either of these, please send it to me.) If you are about to get pregnant for the first time, or are pregnant for the first time, you really, really should click on the bunker link and see the explanation below.

If you are a single woman, you should click on these links before saying I do, and keep them in mind throughout your married life. Don't bother with the pre-nup, honey - the only agreement you really need is the one where you promise yourself that you will let the man you married be a man. He doesn't have a choice about it, after all. They don't cover these important topics in school, and you certainly won't get them in Women's Studies, but due to the power of the internet, this public service announcement is being brought to you at no charge.

Brother #2 recently bought a house with excellent facilities for his collection of precious rusty things (it also has a small living space, which he is rumored to occupy when he's not admiring his rusty things). In any case, #2 is now thinking of building a bunker to add to the ambiance and general liveability. I am also sure #2 will find a useful way to adapt the awesome power of the jet propelled beer cooler to his purposes.

I think the beer cooler needs no explanation whatsoever, although I would like to remind everyone that the tip about PVC is important. Safety above all else should be your motto when you are working with jet engines.

However, it is likely that even the bunker-builder does not understand exactly what happened to him. True, any normal man would like to have a bunker in his backyard - but most haven't built one. The clue here is the fat, pregnant wife, which is guy talk for "look! my beautiful wife is having my baby!" When a man talks like this he is boasting and celebrating.

What happened to this guy is that his wife got pregnant, and instinct took over. Find a safe, easily defensible place, instinct said. Make sure you can secure game. Fortify it, so that the woman can be safely left in this place while she is vulnerable. Do it now!

He did it in the back yard, probably because his wife discouraged him from remodeling the house. Speaking as someone who has done more than a little digging, I know that this was backbreaking labor, and I'm sure he worked at it with great dedication. Chipping concrete is not easy either. Note that the bunker was completed, and then he attempted to induce his pregnant wife to move in. She, of course, refused, and for some benighted reason which escaped him insisted upon giving birth in the hospital. But she did come out and admire the hole as he was digging it, and I'm sure she was complimentary.

However, the story ends happily, because the child was born. Somewhere in this man's heart he has the confused knowledge that the bunker had something to do with his pregnant wife, and that is why he ended the saga of the bunker with pictures of his wife and the child, and of course the proof that he indeed killed and ate his game, and could have killed enough to feed four or five kids. No one can claim he is not taking his duties as a husband and a father seriously.

Note also that when the bunker filled with water, he was not concerned. If the bunker had filled with water while his wife was still pregnant, I can guarantee you he would have rigged up something like a jet-propelled water pump to ensure that it was safely dry. Later, of course, the pump could have been converted to use as a beer cooler. Technology is never wasted.

Now some might claim that this bunker is a ridiculous object. I think it is a love poem that this man built for his wife and child. I think the bunker is a fascinating tribute to this man's commitment to his family, and one of the most endearing and typically male things I have ever seen. Forget the Taj Mahal - this was useful!

Notice also that the man rigged an internet connection to the bunker - you need to keep your supply lines open. I rest my case.