MaxedOutMama
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
A Chosen Sanity
At Dean's World, Scott Kirwin writes about overcoming addiction:
Addiction is a selfish behavior. After all, a cigarette makes you feel good, not anyone else. Ditto a shot of vodka. Feeding that addiction makes one become even more selfish. Your drive to the liquor store costs you time with your children. Your "sanity (smoke) breaks" outside are borne by your employer or by your family (in cases where you are docked for the time). For some, that selfishness leads to the collapse of the personality into what I consider a psychological black-hole: the narcissist.That sense of personal responsibility may be a heavy burden, but life lived without it is a worse burden. We all have our selfish behaviors. We all fight the battle to keep our egos and our desires in balance. Scott's post is excellent life advice even if you aren't trying to beat an addiction.
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St Paul had the thorn in his heel that God would not remove. I have so many thorns in my feet that you have a hard time seeing the feet. No matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to pry one out completely. They seem to grow back and oh how they humble us.
I have come to believe that unless we go to our Lord seeking with open and empty hands, we will never be able to find peace. For too long, I battled to try and pull a thorn out so that in some way I would be able to give it to God rather than approach with all my visible thorns. Just one. The problem would be that if I suceeded, the thorn of pride would poke its way to the top and He really hates that one.
One day, my grandson was trying so hard to show me how he was now able to do something, but was failing. I could tell how disappointed he was and realized how it broke my heart. I wanted him to suceed just to see his smiling face. Finally, he looked up at me with tears and said how sorry he was. What a teaching moment this was for both of us. I told him about my trying to pull out my thorns and how sad it mad me that I could not take them to our Lord. I told him that my love for him was the same if he performed his feat or not, even as I routed for his success for his happiness. I told him that the happiness he would feel with success in that area would soon fade with new challenges and that the one constant we needed was not success in worldly things, but it love. We crave love and need it to ever find complete joy or peace. We continued on our long talk and soon he looked up at me and said, "I'm glad I have you for a Grandpa and I love you to." Soon he was out trying again but knew he did not need to find success for my love. He had emptied that need to make room for more love. I knew that I would have to stop trying so hard and go to our Lord with empty arms and tell him I needed him and was glad He was in my life. We will never overcome a single addiction to actual peace without filling ourselves up with Christ.
I have come to believe that unless we go to our Lord seeking with open and empty hands, we will never be able to find peace. For too long, I battled to try and pull a thorn out so that in some way I would be able to give it to God rather than approach with all my visible thorns. Just one. The problem would be that if I suceeded, the thorn of pride would poke its way to the top and He really hates that one.
One day, my grandson was trying so hard to show me how he was now able to do something, but was failing. I could tell how disappointed he was and realized how it broke my heart. I wanted him to suceed just to see his smiling face. Finally, he looked up at me with tears and said how sorry he was. What a teaching moment this was for both of us. I told him about my trying to pull out my thorns and how sad it mad me that I could not take them to our Lord. I told him that my love for him was the same if he performed his feat or not, even as I routed for his success for his happiness. I told him that the happiness he would feel with success in that area would soon fade with new challenges and that the one constant we needed was not success in worldly things, but it love. We crave love and need it to ever find complete joy or peace. We continued on our long talk and soon he looked up at me and said, "I'm glad I have you for a Grandpa and I love you to." Soon he was out trying again but knew he did not need to find success for my love. He had emptied that need to make room for more love. I knew that I would have to stop trying so hard and go to our Lord with empty arms and tell him I needed him and was glad He was in my life. We will never overcome a single addiction to actual peace without filling ourselves up with Christ.
# posted by 
: 9:28 PM
: 9:28 PM
That is how I see it. In trying to make ourselves perfect we become self-obsessed whereas what is first needed is for us to turn our attention outwards to others.
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