Saturday, September 17, 2005
...we need a straight party-line vote on this nominee. All 55 Republicans aye, all 44 Democrats plus one independent nay.Weeeeell, actually.... here DU comes close to detecting our evil right-wing plan. We're panicking now:
After he's confirmed he comes out.
This does a number of things to the GOP, all of them bad. A party-line vote to confirm translates into a party-line vote to impeach, and just being gay isn't impeachable conduct so they probably can't bring an impeachment to the floor in the first place. Also, when the Republicans go on the campaign trail to try winning reelection they have to fight the stigma of having put a gay Chief Justice on the bench. This translates into Republican voters staying home in droves.
29. If Robert's is gay and is nominated, when/if he is discovered, then what? Do they fire him? Does Pat Robertson kill himself? What?Oh no! Have mercy! Don't ask that question!
45. LucilleAwggggh. Don't give us away. AIIIIEEEEIIIEEE.
In my opinion, there's a reason the right wing wants laws to suppress homosexuality. It's because they need those laws in order to suppress their OWN homosexuality.
All right. I see the cat's out of the bag and the only thing left to do is come clean. It's the truth. Almost all Republican voters are gay or lesbian. Only registered Independents are bi. The thing is, we're such incredible Jesus freaks that we all get married and have children anyway (those of us that aren't androids). We only meet to have wild electronic same-sex orgies on our blogs.
Don't tell us to come out of the closet. We can't. We have no sense of style. We have to ask straight people for fashion tips, because we have no idea what we are doing wrong. In school all the cool GLBT kids used to mock and ostracize us, just like those mean old raindeer did to Rudolph. This is what happens when we try to dress well:
So if we came out of the closet we would have nothing suitable to wear for the occasion, and Robin Givhan would just make unending fun of us. We're the dowdy religiously-insane gay and lesbian android bookworms that got mocked in high school for wearing the wrong color socks. The only hope for any one of us is to get into a profession that supplies its own uniforms, like the Army, Navy, Marines, Airforce, Coast Guard, police, doctors, airline stewards or pilots or Supreme Court justices. Then at last we can blend in. That's why we all study so hard. Too hard. The competition is fierce, fierce, I tell you!
So we're planning to take power and make everyone in the entire country wear uniforms. We're going to use the equal protection clause in the 14th Amendment (won't Nancy Pelosi be surprised when God speaks that word!), so of course we have to control the Supreme Court. We're easing you into the idea with the school uniform movement. And one glorious day, we will march through the streets in our uniforms chanting "We're here, we're fashion-deprived homosexual android nerds, get over it!"
There, I hope you feel better now that you have uncovered our secret shame. All we ever asked of you was a bit of tolerance and to be accepted for the content of our characters instead of the cut of our suits, but noooooo, you just had to keep mocking and shoving and harassing us, and man, you are toast! Dead meat!
It's no wonder that the French hate us so. The only industry they have left is fashion.And we have all the guns, uniforms, ammunition and guns, so they are toast too.
You should be angry, you should fire him because he's gay, you don't like gay people. We know this because we keep telling everyone you don't
Maybe it's not funny, but it does seem that way.
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