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Thursday, November 17, 2005

I Say We Fight

A book has been published containing a compilation of Bin Laden's demands:
Osama bin Laden wants the United States to convert to Islam, ditch its constitution, abolish banks, jail homosexuals and sign the Kyoto climate change treaty.

The first complete collection of the Saudi's statements published today portrays a world in which Islam's enemies will take the first steps towards salvation by embracing the "religion of all the Prophets".

Messages to the World: The Statements of Osama bin Laden is billed as the first accurate compendium of the terrorist leader's words, threats and ruminations from 1994 to 2004.
When I have a bad day at work ("Yes, you do have to comply with Truth-In-Lending! I don't care what your bank president told you!" - "Congress passed the Homeowner's Equity Protection Act. I did not make this up!") I think abolishing banks might be a good step. Our own Supreme Court seems to be doing an excellent job of ditching our constitution.

But there's no way we are going to jail homosexuals. I personally think it's worth fighting to the death to remain in the last nation that hasn't signed the Kyoto climate change treaty.

I've read a lot of the original interviews, btw, and he really did want those things. So I say we fight back with pumpkin guns. Nothing could be more American. They have no chance as long as we don't get wimpy. I mean, consider the world of Bin Laden, and then consider the land of the pumpkin gun. Which do you want to live in?

Actually, I say we look Osama in the face and say, "Yes Osama, we have learned much from Islam. Here's what we're going to do. From now on, we're going to fight you the Islamic way."

"We will behead your family and your followers and when that gets tiresome, we'll blow up your mosques, with worshippers in them- as is the Islamic custom with churches in Pakistan."

"Any Muslim caught looking at a non Muslima in bad way, we will kill. We will kill his entire family, because he has shamed that girl. You can inagine what we'll do to him and his family if he actually sleeps with that girl."

"We will bomb mosques and riot in the streets, because Bibles in Saudi Arabia and the Muslm world are desecrated. We will desecerate Muslim cemetaries and and tombstones, because after all, that is the ISLAMIC way, right?

"Then we will blow up schools and kindergartens, busses and religious events, because that too, is the ISLAMIC way, right?"

"We have learned much from you, Osama. We have learned much. Sooner or later, you see what good students we have been."

I hope my ambiguity hasn't been lost on any of your readers.
I like pumpkin guns, but I must confess that I have always had a fondness for the overgrown guns the navy carries around on its ships.

A gun that tosses a shell the size of a small car is, well, a gun that tosses a shell the size of a small car. It's a beautiful thing, unless of course, you are a shell catcher. Then I think maybe some other words might come to mind.
well, if it means that we will finally sign Kyoto, I guess the rest are worth it. I was never big on the 9 amendment anyway.
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