Sunday, March 19, 2006
Falling Up The Mountain
To make a long story short, for the last five weeks or so every time I pray it's as if my whole body gets a series of electric shocks. My muscles start twitching all over. Very, very fine tremors. It's as if someone had strapped me on a machine that delivers very targeted, minute electrical shocks directly to my body. That's what it feels like, anyway. It lasts for several days. There's a thrumming, sort of humming feeling in my muscles, and they just keep twitching. It's visible. I spent about twenty flummoxed minutes yesterday in the bathroom, watching as my facial muscles twitched. It would start on the left side of my cheek and move toward the center of my face. Finally some teeny-tiny muscle I had no idea existed right by my nose would stop twitching, and then it would start all over again.
The results have been quite dramatic. I got feeling back in the soles of my feet, to my great initial alarm. For a while it felt like trying to walk on ice skates with nails on the insoles. My lips and mouth are so sensitive that I keep flinching when I encounter bubbles in water or soda. As I type on this computer I can feel the vibrations of the fan and the heat from the keyboard. The peripheral vision in my left eye (which I thought was normal) came back, and now I keep shying away from the apparition of my left shoulder. My arms feel as if I have been lifting weights, and in just the last couple of weeks the muscles in my left forearm have gotten very obviously larger. Now it looks symmetrical to my right arm. And biceps! Hoo-hah, do I have biceps! My upper legs look as if I have been spending several hours a day on the bicycle.
My breathing apparatus suddenly started cranking away on its own. Now when I lie down it slows down and when I get up and walk around it speeds up. These are very fine adjustments. It took several weeks for Rescue Dog and I to figure out that this was an improvement. The poor dog was so alarmed that several times he came into the bedroom and nudged me, which is something he will only do when it's a crisis - normally he just makes a warning comment from the bedroom door. Now he's so calm about the entire situation that he's sleeping in the living room most of the night. I guess he figures that he's off duty.
It's all like that. Things are changing so fast that I can't keep up with them. It's not just having more control over my body, either. A couple of weeks ago I was at the bank one evening. When I was getting ready to pull out on the street, I noticed that the sky was very beautiful. But I was still watching the traffic at the same time. I was very startled and worried at first, because I thought it was a dangerous distraction. If I am doing something I have to do that, and nothing else. Now it's as if my mind is always tracking several things at once. It's extremely blatant at work. This is a very radical and sudden change.
In January, I was having to pick up my left leg to get it in my pants. Even sitting down I couldn't lift it and control it enough to get it in there under its own power. Now I can stand on either leg, hop up and down, and extend the other leg straight out. I didn't even practice this! I have no idea when it even happened! Three weeks ago Rescue Dog was trying to get me to jump. After about 10 minutes of enduring him setting a helpful example (which looked ridiculous - there he was, staring into my eyes and bunny-hopping. I'd take a few steps, he'd quack reproachfully, nudge me, stare into my eyes and do it again), I tried just to get him to stop nagging me. And I did - with no problem. This morning, just on a whim, I tried going outside (so I wouldn't hit anything on the way down), and tried standing on my right leg. No problem. Then the left. No problem. Then I tried standing and lifting the other leg straight out. No problem on either side. Rescue Dog went ballistic with joy - he seemed to realize the significance. He was running and leaping around me. The Brat seemed totally confused, but decided to join the party and commenced running in circles and jumping over things. I can only hope the neighbors weren't watching.
I have no experience at all of anything like this. All my experience is of practicing for weeks and months to learn to do something.
I am afraid to go to church, because I pray in church, like most people. I think it might be very disturbing to the congregation to suddenly have someone twitching in their midst. These are not seizures. I remain able to move around and do things, but the initial surge is so massive that it's scary. I'm afraid to pray at all during the day. Even for patience.
Yesterday evening I decided to try and get some answers. Without the normal preliminaries, I started in "Father, could you please explain what" BANG, THWAP. It happened again - which is why I ended up in the bathroom watching my face twitch in the mirror. But after the initial shock wore off, I was left with the persistent idea that people were praying for me. And that thought stuck with me even when I tried to go to bed and kept getting woken up by my left hand embarking on its own exericise program. I finally got up and went into the living room and watched that sucker. It is true that the leftmost fingers are somewhat numb, but it hasn't been bothering me. I can move them and use the hand. But apparently this is just not acceptable. The pinkie was especially active. I watched it tap, flex, and then it would do this little dance thing where it pulled sideways to the left twice. If I did something with my left hand it would stop, although the humming sensation didn't. But as soon as I laid it down it would start again. Finally I just gave up and went to bed, hanging it over the side so it wouldn't be so bothersome.
Let me say in the nicest possible way "Thank you for your prayers." They are much appreciated. However, please spread this around a bit! There are other people who could use the help. You know who you are - I don't. I doubt very much that you realize the extent of your influence. Kindly widen its target. You have discovered an awesomely effective prayer protocol. I have no doubt that you could clear out hospital wards and nursing homes this way. The muscle-building effect alone is dramatic, and it is true that muscle atrophy is a real problem for people like me. Only I guess I'm not exactly "people like me" any more.
Please ask for the same help for all those who have neurological problems, and wisdom for their doctors so they don't dope them up thinking that they are having seizures. Also, there is a fearsome-looking cyclone that's going to hit Australia. They could use some help. Praying for all those who are sick, suffering, confused, in jeopardy or in despair is always helpful.
Man, is my doctor going to be confused. I'm going to have a tough time explaining this one.
One thing, tho- you don't get to choose how and to whom it gets distributed. God has His own counsel on that. Like He revealed to Moses:"I will have mercy upon whom I have mercy".
The recepient gets to recieve and be grateful, which I'm sure you are (after adjusting to the surprise;)
It gives me cause to give thanks- you are such a lovely person.... and now you can do the things you do more easily and with greater joy.
The thing is, I am still taking the medicine, so I need to explain so he's not confused.
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