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Wednesday, May 09, 2007

Lizard Spit

I like the sound of it: "lizard spit". Doesn't it have a contemptuous, yet smooth sibilance? The two google results were a manufacturer of high end car wax and a diabetes drug to control excess suger. Perfect! Our society is suffering from a saccharine, hypocritical desire of public officials to shine up stupidity, coat it with honey, and shove it down the public's throat.

I nominate this expression for general use when designating epic acts of public or political insanity. We need something like this to use as an contemptuous epithet. The need is exceptionally great among the members of our Armed Forces, who are not supposed to disgrace the uniform by bad behavior in public. I think they can get away with a grave utterance of "lizard spit" without being courtmartialed. Maybe everywhere but San Francisco.

I tested it out this morning. I walked over to Ms Bullhardt, who was snoring on her bed, poked her with my foot, and said "Lizard Spit" to her. One eye snapped open and she looked at me with a reproachful, shocked expression.

That sense of reproachful, astonished shock is exactly what we need to convey in response to candidates who inform us that they worked for a hedge fund to study poverty. Now, in fairness to Edwards, his wife is probably dying and I think it is exceptionally easy to take a verbal pratfall under those circumstances, which is why I didn't mention this when he said it at the Democratic debate. But now he has said it again, and I respond "lizard spit!" This is just nonsense, he knows it, the reporter knew it, and it is only fair to look at the man gently and firmly and reply with an accurate feedback.

Over at the UN, apparently discarding the minor problem of the human primates being slaughtered in Darfur, they are working on a resolution to grant human rights to chimpanzees, gorillas and orangutans:
...the advocates of apes’ rights want to end the detention of apes that have neither been convicted of any crime or pose any other significant danger to themselves or others. These apes would also have a right of appeal to a judicial tribunal. Once these legal rights are established, the Great Ape Project would demand the release of approximately 3,100 apes that are currently being held in the U.S., including 1,280 in biomedical research.
And then what? Section 8 housing? Food stamps? Special courts with Jane Goodall acting as interpreter? It's not as if one of these animals raised in captivity has the skills to live in the wild. LIZARD SPIT!

I'm entirely on Dr. M's side when she reacts badly to being told that she should have no more than two kids because children in developed countries produce too much carbon dioxide emissions. Say it loud, say it proud, Lizard Spit!

Idiots (this means you, Pete Stark) who propose a gas tax due to the dire, yet fictitious, threat of catastrophic
CO2-induced global warming, should get a loud, unified response of LIZARD SPIT from the families (and those studying poverty, especially at hedge funds!) who can barely afford to fill the tank to get to work now:
The initial $10 would be increased by an additional $10 per year every year until CO2 emissions have been reduced by eighty percent from 1990 levels.

Assuming approximately 5.2 lbs of carbon per gallon of gasoline, the initial $10 tax would amount to about 2.6 cents per gallon but that would increase fairly rapidly.
Actually, the reporter on this one deserves a lizard spit nomination as well, for failing to do the math to realize that in 10(0) years, just the carbon tax on a gallon of gas would amount to $2.60. There is no way that we can ever reduce carbon dioxide emissions 80% from 1990 levels in the next 50 years. LIZARD SPIT!!!

To the idiots who think saying something nasty to or about their intended victim somehow makes shooting, maiming or crippling the victim somehow worse, LIZARD SPIT!! These laws are working so well in Europe, aren't they? They are going to have the same result here - nor is this law limited as it purports to be, because of this section involving the precondition for federal grants and assistance:
C) is motivated by prejudice based on the actual or perceived race, color, religion, national origin, gender, sexual orientation, gender identity, or disability of the victim, or is a violation of the State, local, or Tribal hate crime laws.
That section invites states and localities to pass "hate crime" laws. Some of the ones already passed have been doozies indeed, and are definitely aimed at suppressing speech. This will provide federal funding for anyone with an axe to grind, and pay them to grind it.

Lizard Spit, This Ain't Legit, Say it 'til they QUIT This Sh--!!!!

Do you have any "Lizard Spit" for the Iraq War? Clearly the most "spitable" event in generations in terms of 'human tragedy', 'economics', 'scientific thinking', all things that you hold dear.
I don't think Lizard Spit ascends to that level. Nor does simple cussing.

You'd probably need the talents of a bunch of those Greek classic tragedians to aptly summarize Iraq.

I don't think we should abandon the Kurds, though. They have had longer and seem to have a pretty functioning local democracy going.
"Lizard Spit" - this phrase made me laugh tody. Great!
Viola, believe it or not, Ms. Bullhardt took the entire incident very seriously. She followed me around yesterday morning demanding an explanation.
I'm sure you explained it in great detail. I'm still laughing! :-)

Come check out my "Mother's Day Prayer" if you have time at www.spiritualthingsmatter.com

Wishing you a wonderful Mother's Day!
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