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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Cause He's Got A Way With Words

Chief Metalheart, frozen (And driven nearly mad by stealth nagging of the type in which a woman carries out the morning pills and leaves the aspirin bottle on the table when guess who hadn't taken his morning meds by 10:00 AM. That behavior constitutes nagging by observation, nagging by physical presentation of inconvenient objects, and nagging by looking worried) left a few weeks ago for sunny GA to recuperate.

I've still got the dogs up here in the frozen northern wastes. See, he's got to go back to the doctor every month for a while, and I figured that if I stayed, he'd be back for, ah, conjugal privileges. Plus, I was sick as a dog myself, and I really didn't think either one of us was in shape to drive back with the dogs at that point.

He's supposed to come back tomorrow, but the phone is out again, and I got nervous because I couldn't call him. So I sent him this eloquent email consisting of the title line "You better be coming" and in the body "Because the dogs say they will hate you forever if you do not. The phone's not working."

And he clearly realized that I was pacing the floor, because he replied with:
I just finished doing some laundry, and putting away some things around the house.
The cab will pick me up at 0930 hours, but just in case the Honda car is all filled up with gas if I needed to head out to the Airport after waiting for the ride.
Yes, I will be disconnecting the PC, I'll have the phone with me and the Tickets, ID and some treats for the kids.
Nothing for you dear, because the endless nagging should not entitle you to much of anything.
Now I have said nothing about any of those extraneous and petty matters except for bringing his cell phone. So I am sending back this sterliing advice:
See, you're handling the nagging problem all wrong. The Islamic recommendation is to refuse to sleep with her to teach her a lesson.
He'll have a good while hanging in airports tomorrow to think up an appropriate reply. I expect it to be pithy.

In the UK we have two terms to refer to ladies like you.

Senior Management

She Who Must be Obeyed

Both amount to the same thing, but recognise the reality for those of us who value a quiet life!!
I've had a wife who used the I will not sleep with you unless..... ploy.

I'd always say OK, at which point it seems the female play book does not have a counter strategy for some reason or another.

My present wife, nags for chocolate. , which for some reason she gets.

Now the problem with the She Who Must be Obeyed comes from the female who wants both a dominating male and to be in ultimate charge. At which point the nagging becomes either a selection of being nagged at for submission or not submitting.

The worst case, in which I find myself, is a She Who Must be Obeyed with a fragile ego.

It does make one pine for the South Sea Island model of women and children in one hut, the men in another and just meeting to insure community growth.
Ah, but Covey, the relevant word here is "life". Because his is on the line.

I maintain that due to the "one flesh" clause, I have the right to nag in case of danger to his life or limb because if he dies it's as if I get my legs lopped off. Even the US judicial system recognizes that human beings have the right to defend their own flesh. Nature has given me one firm weapon to ensure compliance here, and I am using it.

In this case, Senior Management is realizing that she let this go on too long. It is a fact that the Chief (whose original sobriquet was Chief No-Nag) is allergic to nagging, which is why I normally follow the practice of not nagging. In this case, it was something of a betrayal of him.
But Vader, in fact I do not nag unless I perceive an absolute threat to his existence. See my last comment.

Personally, I think I am in the wrong here for not nagging earlier. The one thing a wife should do is keep her husband alive and with maximum autonomy, financial, emotional, and physical. Everything else can go by the wayside. It had always seemed to me that Chief No-Nag required the comfort of not being nagged in order to have a good emotional life, but here there was a logical contradiction....

It seems to me that there are a lot of males who are allergic to nagging! May you all have wives who know when to break the No-Nag barrier.
If you have let things go on too long then you graduate to the most frightening level (to men that is)of SRD.

Stands for Senior Resident Dragon.

It is simpler to just go along with whatever "suggestions" are helpfully made by a SRD.

My wife tried teaching me to play golf, but some inner part of my soul rebelled at the thought of being constantly told which club to use. It was more than a fellow could put up with!
Hope you 2 crazy kids have fun!!
Pithy?,does he lisp?
I am going to have to get better on this nagging stuff. I told mine all summer "We need a chain saw dear." You would think that he'd have jumped at the chance, but he kept telling me his wrists couldn't deal with it. Then winter set in and we did in fact need one. We were loaned one and sure enough, his wrists are able to handle it if he doesn't run it every day. Best of all, he even admitted that I was right ;) It's like one of my bosses used to say, you gotta pick your battles.
Tom, he lithpeth not, neither doth he lithen.

Teri, man oh man, if I tell the Chief we need something with an engine he's thrilled. Anything with an engine.
Seems to me that my present wife nagged me to go to the doctor once.

A day later and I'd be observing daffodils from the root side.
Yeah, see Vader, and then she probably twitched for a few months thinking "Too close! Too damned close!"
Covey, try again. The best way to learn golf is with say a 7 iron and a putter anyway. That way she can't tell you anything. If she does, drive with the putter and putt with the 7 iron for a while.
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