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Friday, May 22, 2009

Yes, Women ARE Born "That Way"

Hey bro, I think you better have a son to even up the sex ratio in your house. Here's what you're in for! (Work safe video.)

Now here's why women are born "that way":

The Chief told me on Wednesday that he made the appointment for his blood work 10 days out "to have a chance to clear things up". When I inquired as to exactly what that implied, he got huffy and stated with austerely patient dignity that he needed to eat very healthily for the next ten days. This morning he rejected a zinc/B12/C lozenge because it was "too sweet". "I'm worried about all that sugar," he said dolefully, causing me to wonder just how bad it could be if two grams of carbs are going to be a problem for his blood tests. (Not to mention the sheer idiocy of trying to schedule your blood tests so that the doctor can't tell what you are really experiencing.)

Then he came back at lunch with a banana nut loaf. Mind you, I had cooked him a low sugar, high fiber orange bread, but I can assure you it does not taste nearly as good as what he bought, because it has very little sugar and almost no cholesterol.

Banana Nut Loaf:
Per serving 1 slice
160 calories,
60 calories from fat
7 grams of fat
14 grams of sugar
23 grams carb
2 grams protein
25 mg cholesterol

He has already eaten one slice, and has 9 to go. 140 sugar grams later (he'll probably eat it all by Sunday), will he still be worried about the sugars in a zinc lozenge? Worse yet, if the doc gets on him about his blood work, will the Chief claim it is due to being force-fed zinc lozenges by a hysterical female?

See? We need all that breath control and stamina just to keep you guys alive. That little sweetie was just practicing. She was probably trying to explain the dangers of ice cream and fast food to her dad.

Right now I am laughing too hard to explain his math problem to the Chief, or the use of those helpful little nutritional labels. I don't believe men can use those labels, and it is probably a genetic condition related to most males' total refusal to ever balance their checkbooks.

I guess I am lucky. The wife does like to talk at times about specific topics that seem to be just background noise to me, but not as much as some women I have known. On the other hand, she has an appalling lack of interest in weapons, flamethrowers, firearms, bayonets, military history, planes and ships, preferring to talk about seemingly inane topics relating to relationships, (whatever that entails) clothes, and relationships problems that involve clothes, or something close to that. They also seem to be able to spend inordinate time with children and get great pleasure out of that while daddy like to play, "kid go hide in the box and play very quiet". I guess the brain is just hooked up differently.

The chief's reaction is natural. If we can demonstrate that we can get healthy, then the problem does not exist, as once we get through whatever activity that is occupying our mind is complete, be it a rusty car part of some other important thing related task. We will get around to making the permanent health change it in a few weeks or perhaps 10 years, when ever it is too late to really have such changes affect us. But the rusty car part will be shiny by then.

From a males point of view women are strange creatures, but if you happen across a nice one, very nice to have about. I am very happy with mine.
I thought The Chief was behaving himself?
CF - so did I! I have an awful feeling that this week's disclosure means that his behavior out of my presence has degenerated to the point that he might have discovered those small containers of ice cream sold in convenience stores, the carcasses of which can be disposed of without coming to any yammering female's attention.

The Chief has lost weight, but maybe the willingness to eat salads for dinner was offset by the comforting knowledge that he was going to be having lunch outside of female radar range.

I also suspect that Mr. Sensitive just explained it. Barring female yawp and doctor yawp, the health problem has been disposed of. It must be conceded that the recession has brought many lovely rusty engines on the market.
Wrong approach.

Suggest that:
- the body is its own best doctor, like a god given gadget that diagnoses and prescribes; and,
- to get the best out of this gadget he has to give the organs a chance to clean themselves out - fuel filter analogy will go down a ton; and,
- the gadget is also self-righting (bath tub toy analogy - physical demonstration item on sale for $1), and will guide his health regime without the interference of wife/doctors.

Within a month of learning to speak my daughter was telling me how to dress.And yes,men and women have different hardwiring,it is a good thing too.I am somewhere along the spectrum of masculinity that allows me to wear pink rather than salmon colored shirts.
Shtove - I want to give the Chief credit. He stopped smoking and drinking years ago. However, he replaced the beer calories with ice cream calories, which led to him becoming Chief Metalheart.

He's well beyond the range in which non-interference from doctors and yawping females is a possibility. By the time I got the Chief to the doctor, his coronary CT was so bad that the doc tried to get him in to have the procedure the next day - New Year's Day.

Later the doc told me that he estimated that the Chief had at most 2 months to live. He had a bunch of blockages, and he also appeared to have the beginnings of congestive heart failure.

The other problem is that the Chief is a biologist who spent most of his career working with very toxic chemicals before the risks were well-known. His risk factors are quite high, and he is on about half the recommended dosage of the various medications because of this. This is why I took the Chief to this doctor - the man is a virtual magician at balancing risk factors. And indeed, the Chief reacted very badly to the initial dosages prescribed by the cardiologist who did the procedure, and that was after his primary doctor cut them down.

Every time this doctor sends him for a test, the recommendation comes back to about double the meds. Every time the doc ignores this, and I think he's right. Anyway, notwithstanding the low dosages, the Chief now has normal heart function, which is nearly a miracle. However, he is going to have to control his risks through lifestyle modification, because he is clearly close to the max in drug dosage that is safe for him. Upping the dosages to the normally prescribed makes him ill, and might lead to major organ problems.
Tom - but did she recommend the pink shirts?

That little girl is so funny and cute that I think she'd be good on a reality show. I bet she tries to tell her dad many, many useful things.
The boyfriend is on heart meds, but he loves cookies. I am not sure I am going to do much to touch that, although I am trying to get him to eat a bit healthier.

Strangely, Mr. Sensitive, he also wants me to get rid of my guns ;) He calls me his right-wing whacko girlfriend.

Hope you can talk some sense into The Chief!
Teri - well, somehow, somewhere, maybe divine intervention - it worked!

I'm so relieved.
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