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Tuesday, May 10, 2011

After All These Years

In grade school, Weekly Reader promised us jetpacks. Now we've got 'em. This is a big relief to those of us who have been feeling wretchedly deprived all these years but were to lazy to sue Weekly Reader for pain and suffering induced by false promises.

There appear to be a few minor flaws in the jetpack technology which bar immediate widespread adaptation:
Still, it is clear that jetpack commuting could spark a "fast" economic boom.

After thinking this over carefully (ahem), I have decided that the NYC financial district should be the first target market. The denizens often commute, they make enough to pay for the fuel, they have high buildings for takeoffs, and I personally would pay decent money to see the jetpack chute people landing on top of the bikers in the Bloomberg bike lanes. It would make a fun cable offering, wouldn't it?

Admittedly, the home takeoffs would be a problem for commuters, but I can't see why it couldn't become promptly fashionable for Greenwich, CT homes to install giant slingshots to hurl people into the sky.

Now what if Greenwich fails to pick up the ball and fly with it? In that case, it is almost certain that southern rednecks and Iowans will, which will further lead to the decline of the NYC image. The moment I saw the picture of the guy with the jetpack, I flashed to an image of a very happy GA guy with the jetpack. It would be painted different colors, the weird getup would be jeans and a leather jacket, and the guy would have a beer in his hand.

A lot of people in GA near where I live (the boonies) have kit planes. You can take off with a very short dirt runway (we all have at least enough property for that), and they are incredibly fun. So we really might get into the jetpack craze (we could convert our watermelon guns to jetpack launchers), and after that, all the really fun people would move south and into the heartland - because let's face it, everyone really wants a jetpack. We always did.

City people just don't know how to have fun:


(For the slightly less adventurous, there's always some Israeli gadget. I really wish the Israelis would work harder on jetpacks.) The future does not look too bright for murderous jihadists; the Israelis are going to spend A BILLION on expanding Iron Dome.

Comments:
As a bird owner, I see a late night informercial in my future.

Stagflationary Mark's Steel Coated Umbrellas

"Birds have very little ability to not poop when the need arises. If even 1% of the 300+ million jet packing population felt the same then you will not want to leave home without one of these modern umbrella miracles.

If you call within the next 10 minutes we will double your order. Just pay separate processing and handling."

Isn't it great how one growth industry can lead to more growth industries? Woohoo! ;)
 
As a side note, I'm not suggesting the device is either useful or needed.

This is an infomercial after all. It would compete with electric Amish fireplaces and Water Jet nozzles.

My word verification is "chograt". I'm not sure what it is or does, but I need one of those too!
 
Fuel?? What, can't we power our jetpacks with fresh, clean, green energy from the wind and sun? ;)
 
All attempts to do so have met with a crushing failure.
 
The jet pack. Gosh we dreamed of those when I was but a tadpole. So, they've finally made one that almost works. Heck, we've got Dick Tracy's wrist radio, only in modified form. The workable commuter jet pack must be near. Of course it would only be for nice days. Which means it would only be usable about three months a year here in Puget Sound. Your umbrela idea needs to be modified to one for use by the jet pack commuter, Mark. Something aerodynamic and durable for cutting through the drizzle and winds we know so well.

Think of the possibility for expresso stands where the jet pack commuter zooms by for a shot of caffeine on the way to the office. Or how about jet pack racks where the jet packs can be safely garaged when not in use? I see a whole new industry if only they can make these things as easy to use as a bicycle.

Israel doesn't want jet packs to succeed. Makes it too easy for Palestiniean terrorists to hop the fence. So, forget about that angle.

boutll is the word. Yes, I need to run out and get another one.
 
Jimmy - they could be flying bikini-clad barristas sort of like this, but with jet packs.

I must say the west coast does things with a certain style.
 
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