Monday, February 27, 2006
V-Day My Way
My alarm bells began to ring when I read the part about babies stretching out and therefore damaging the tonality of the vagina. I know how serious these folks are about their vaginas! They write to me - often - discussing the integrity of the vagina and the superiority of the vagina over any and all other sexual musculature/organs.This is vintage, classic Anchoress stuff. If you've never had to endure the glassy-eyed mass hysteria of the Vagina Monologues/scissors crowd you can't understand how many women feel about it. Several times my brother has called me after reading this blog and said solemnly "You seem really offended by the Vagina Monologues". Well, I'm tired of being told to worship the feminine mystique of my vagina. I'm tired of being told that the most important parts of me are my genitals. As far as I'm concerned, not having to worship my vagina is one of the best things about being a woman. That is a guy problem. Women naturally have more sense - or they should.
My vagina, dang it, does not need a community and a culture of other vaginas. I am not a walking, talking vagina! I flipping refuse to be in awe of my vagina! And don't - just don't - get me started on alternate Episcopalian liturgies. Don't. Your eyes would pop out of your skull and bang around the room.
SC&A joins the fray with a very nice mini-biography of Myra Blackwell, one of the first female lawyers in the nation. Go ahead and read about "marital disability", and then we can all contemplate how feminism used to be about allowing women to be persons. How is it that the Vagina Monologue crowd wants to put us back in the hot-pink ghetto of vaginadom?
You can see why this topic would hit SC&A hard. SC&A has a brilliant daughter who is in her first year of college. It's not a pleasant reflection to know that you are sending your pride and joy out into a culture in which some people are going to try to propagandize her into sewing vagina quilts (if you click, you deserve it - the featured quilt looks frighteningly like that big space amoeba in the original Star Trek that ate entire planets) and sending professors emails about her upset vagina. Picture the enraged vagina making a Betty Boop pouty face. How could you offend her cute li'l vagina?
These are the only people I know who can make wearing a burka seem like a dignified life option.
Seriously, read Jade Powers' story about her performance of "My Short Skirt" with the "Vulva Choir":
Eve Ensler hugged and kissed me and said how fun it was that I was there. She gave me a good look up and down, I might add. ... The staff was all women, very kind and loving and welcoming. I really stopped being nervous as soon as I walked into this glowing red cave of busy vaginas running about. ... Sitting on that stage, looking at the women around me, feeling the vibrations of the audience, everyone buzzing, really exploding with the desire, the visceral need, to end all violence against women and children. It was tremendous. It was a force. This is what activism can create, how changes can be made. ... As women, we cannot change the men, or whoever is perpetrating the abuse, but we can change ourselves. We can say "No!" as a collective force of women around the world.This is an exercise in learned futility. Getting a degree and joining Doctors Without Borders would not be.
Honey, it's not about your short skirts or your feelings. It's about what you do with your life. Eve Ensler looking you up and down approvingly is not an achievement any more than Bill Clinton offering you a cigar would be. Life isn't meant to be a glowing red cave with lots of busy vaginas scurrying about. Perhaps you should discuss some Freudian return-to-the-womb issues with Dr. Sanity. Start here.
Now go back and read about Myra Blackwell. That's a woman who stood up for herself and for other women. With so many smart, dedicated and successful women around today - women who do things - how is it that the hot-pink tutu types are featured even in Catholic universities? I don't think that walking around sucking on vagina lollipops and waving scissors is all that much of a enabling and conscious-raising experience. I think it's teaching women to behave and think like hyper-sexual, neurotic sub-teens. Must we pimp out our children to shore up our own psyches?
So many of these women seem like frightened kids looking for their mommy. That's rather pathetic when you are in your forties. And the short skirts don't look that hot at that stage of life either, because there aren't many Tina Turners. Remember that story about building your house on sand?
I leave you with these two quotes from the Vagina Monologues, which should go down in history as one of the most successful scams ever:
"What's special about your vagina? Somewhere deep inside it has a really, really smart brain...."What kind of idiot has young girls on a stage reading this type of sexual/political propagandistic pap? And what is the purpose of it? It's a flight from responsibility and adulthood. No matter how long you rummage around in there, you will never find a brain.
"My vagina reminds me of a pretty dark peach. Or a diamond I found from a treasure and it's mine."
Your post and The Anchoress post did indeed make me think about my daughter. It's nice to know that there are women out there that both she- and I- consider peers and woment to look up to.
For God's sakes, woman...I'm on Diego Garcia.
If you want a culture of vagina worshippers, look no further than here.
Even the vast majority of the menfolk are hip and down with the vagina...or so I hear.
I wrote this, by the way, with no help whatsoever from my vagina... which hasn't a hint of thinking power. Perhaps this is where the confusion lies - if your noggin isn't churning out anything worthwhile, how is one to differentiate the flatline that originates "upstairs" from the one coming from the "basement"?
Bilgeman - Exactly. PRECISELY. I will spare you any comments regarding bicycle shorts, but the fact is that vagina-worship is pretty much the default setting for half the human race. It's not something that needs to be reinvented or presented as some new and magical philosophy to solve all the world's ills. (I'll add the Diego Garcia to my list of those for whom I take absolute responsibility before God.)
Anniebird - You are right. Weak thinking is contagious, partly because it's pretty much the default setting for the entire human race.
...if your noggin isn't churning out anything worthwhile, how is one to differentiate the flatline that originates "upstairs" from the one coming from the "basement"?
A supremely intelligent observation, that. Trying to think with your gonads doesn't work any better for women than it does for men.
Men are fixated as well, asking "how's it hangin", saying "man that water's cold" and in response, "deep, too!" When we make a mistake, it may be called "steppin' on our peter". We have trouble thinking with both heads at the same time or we got in trouble because we thought with the wrong head. Ad Nauseum! Maybe it is time that buildings were built to honor "vaginadom" instead of phallic symbols. Although I wouldn't want my daughter to say at a big dig construction site, "Look, Daddy, they're building a vagina!"
"It's not something that needs to be reinvented or presented as some new and magical philosophy to solve all the world's ills."
I'm pretty certain that the overarching faith isn't something that has a chance in Hell of being changed...or else there will BE no human race.
It just seems that some folks are trying to "edit the dogma". Kinda schismatic..."How many angels can dance on the head of a pin"-like.
I'm still trying to wrap my mind around the concept of a "warrior vagina", though.
And it occurs that if vagina-worship is the default setting for half of us, then shouldn't the other half be prone to membership in the "Cult of the Penis"?
I recall a novelty lamp we bought in Bremerhaven one night as a gag award to despised alcoholic shipmate, y'see.
There might be some import-export coin involved, (if we can get the idea rolling).
I think the V-idiocy is an attempt by someone who doesn't understand men (and does envy them), and doesn't understand women to somehow graft what is perceived as male freedom into women.
Of course there will always be nutcases around, but since when do we bow before these types?
Since they started getting offended by anything and everything that doesn't kiss their asses/sing their praises/change their diapers and started backing such "offenses" up with lawyers.
I am proud to say I love my vagina.
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