Sunday, February 14, 2010
I Caught Ceiling Mole
At first, I felt a surge of euphoria, reasoning that no one could question my sanity any longer. Granted, one does not usually have house-dwelling moles. Nonetheless, damn it all, when I say there's a mole in my ceiling, there is a mole in my ceiling!!!
However, now I wish I hadn't. As rodents go, this is a cute little critter. I stare at the snow drifts outside and feel compunction. Normally I would just deport this little fellow a few miles, and leave him to move into someone else's home so that no one would believe their story. But under the circumstances the mole's survival seems doubtful.
I have already called one of my brothers thinking that he really needed a mole as a pet, but he was completely unhelpful.
I put half a paper towel tube in there, a couple of grapes, some seeds, bit of peanut brittle and a bit of cheese. He seized on the cheese immediately, but keeps squeaking about bacon. He looks fat to me - maybe he's just a bacon fanatic. One can believe anything of a mole that hangs out in ceilings. He also drank some water from a little bottle cap I put in there with water, so he is not currently in danger.
Now all I have to do is convince someone that they want a mole until spring. This may test my powers of salesmanship. He's really kind of cute.
Nonetheless, damn it all, when I say there's a mole in my ceiling, there is a mole in my ceiling!!!
You know that for every mole you see in your ceiling, there are dozens you can't.
It's a fact.
I remember reading it somewhere. Or at least I think I do. Be careful. Moles can also survive a nuclear blast. I'm pretty sure I read that somewhere too. Look. Here's what I'm really trying to say.
Moles are an inconvenient truth.
I can't actually back it up with as much scientific evidence as I'd like, but there's just no denying any of it now. ;)
It's going to take some salesmanship, given circumstances, to interest mole lovers in it though.
Either the mole has been in there ever since, or there is a mole tribe, or the mole just likes to move inside in the winters. I am guessing the last; I am guessing this is a mole with an intrepid spirit and a liking for creature comforts.
Mark - I certainly hope this is the last of the mole. Once I dispose of him, that is. He is inconvenient. He drinks, eats, pees and craps a lot. He also squeaks loudly when he smells cooking. Come to think of it, maybe this is a female.
On the other hand, it could be worse. I could be explaining that I believe in ceiling moles even though I had no mole. I feel my case is strong and my cause is just! I have the hole and now I have the mole; the denialists are confounded.
The bull dog is highly interested, although not surprised. After the pigeon incident, she has concluded that I have startlingly good hunting talents. She seems to expect mole for breakfast.
On the other hand, it could be worse. I could be explaining that I believe in ceiling moles even though I had no mole.
Your story reminded me of a Sarah Silverman skit. It is not for the faint of heart. I'll try to tame it a bit so as not to cross the fragile line into questionable taste too far.
It involves her claim that her very old grandmother did not die of natural causes. Of course, her parents do not support her decision to exhume the body and perform tests. She has a "What's new?" sarcastic tone to go with it.
The joke goes on. She describes more of it and it really makes you want to cringe. It is the last sentence that seals the joke. It went something like this.
"Please let me find [censored] in my dead grandmother's [censored]."
It shocked me more than any other joke has ever shocked me but I could not help but laugh.
Sorry for even bringing it up but I just can't seem to get it out of my head, lol.
I'm picturing you going after that ceiling mole once you'd told everyone that it existed.
"Please let me find..."
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